A Clean Mind

Blogging about a less stressful way to live…

Notes: Matt Kahn Retreat, Saturday AM

Here’s the fourth installment of my notes from the Matt Kahn retreat in January. And my initial impressions are written up here in case you want some context.

NOTE: He uses certain words interchangeably: the Universe, Source, Life, God, Light, the Divine. If you have any baggage with a certain word or words, just pick one that works for you! The last thing we ever want to get hung up on is a word, as I’ve done a million times before. It’s just a symbol, so always look at what the speaker is pointing to rather than what your meaning is. Because they’re often not the same. And they’re the one that said it anyway. This is such an important thing to be aware of as humans that are always in communication with one another. Okay, here we go…

There’s an in-between state that most of us are in, in which consciousness has awakened and the ego finally sees itself. And it’s ashamed at what it sees. It’s like when the old president has just moved out of the White House but the new president hasn’t fully moved in yet.

There are two sides to the awakening journey: the pushing away (masculine) of worldly stuff, roles, patterns, etc. and then returning and embracing them (feminine), but from a higher place, a higher level of consciousness. This new integrated ego is the light of our being expressed in personal form.

But first, the ego becomes conscious of itself and is ashamed at what it sees.

Question: What’s the thing about ourselves that we’re most ashamed of? And then can we be a loving space for that shame? Can it be okay (and even normal and natural, actually) that we’re ashamed of ourselves?

Maybe we know in our head that we’re God in form, but when we look in the mirror we only see shame and ugliness. It’s okay to feel however we feel: guilty, insecure, inferior, etc. Because consciousness awakens before the emotional body matures, and it ain’t easy to see it all. It’s okay that we want everyone to see our light and beauty even if we don’t see it. Can we be a loving space for shame?

Matt said he felt ashamed of himself for most of his life, even though he was popular and successful. Finally he realized it was just the unhealed, unresolved shame from the collective and not his personally.

Also as empaths we feel so much because our energy fields are constantly healing those around us and flushing it up, automatically and without our even knowing it. But then we take it on and make it personal, but it’s not ours! When we become aware of this it stops.

So negative feelings are what we’re clearing in others, while positive ones are what we’re activating in others. Understanding this emotional feedback is the key to mastering being empathic.

For us, earth is an “angel academy training ground master course.” We get to come here and be a true angel or spirit guide for someone. But the fine print says that person is me! This is the place where angels come to be initiated. And a big part of what we’re clearing is the stuff in our family lineage.

Our healing journey has nothing to do with what we do or don’t feel, because without the belief in ownership, that’s all gone. Same with our thoughts. How do I know it’s mine? Like when you’re in your car and another car is blasting the radio, and you can hear it.

We are the doorway to Heaven, so as things arise, say, “I allow you to pass and enter the light.” Be the doorway to Heaven (that you already are), not the Universe’s detective (always trying to heal what you think is wrong with you – when it’s actually not even yours).

Matt told a cool story about being in line at the grocery store. He was behind a person of a different ethnicity than him, and all of a sudden he heard lots of terrible racial slurs in his head. He was horrified, because he’s hated racism since he was a kid, and he’s always actively stood up for the oppressed from a very early age. So he’s wondering if he’s really some racist deep down! He knew this couldn’t be true, so he felt into it and realized that his energy field was clearing the other person’s field of all the racist sludge, literally cellular memories, that they were carrying around from their whole life. The universe is so smart, because maybe that person had never done any healing work, so the universe puts a healer (i.e. an empath) next to them in line at the grocery store. So as empaths, we’re all healers.

Consider: What if what I’m trying to resolve isn’t mine at all? How does that feel? And the ego wants to be the one to fix things. It wants the credit, so it’s cool with a very slow healing journey. Without ownership, that’s all gone. So this is a very big shift.

How people treat us isn’t about us; it’s a direct reflection of their relationship with the light within. We’re all Divinity incarnated, but at varying levels of awareness (that’s a VERY nice way to put it!).

So thinking about troubled relationships, like with your family, friends, partner, or whoever… Do you have a relationship with them or do you only experience their relationship with God, their relationship with their own light and truth? If we know how misaligned in consciousness they are, we’ll expect next to nothing. As opposed to expecting what they are simply not able to deliver.

Any experience is an opportunity to learn and grow from, but it’s not ours. Just like a movie, we can watch as much of it as we want, as many times as we want. We are free to learn from it and enjoy it. But our name is not in the credits.

So regarding what we feel and think: We welcome it, pardon it, and send it to the light. We don’t use it to define ourselves as being less than God.

This is a living, holographic training program for angels in which we have real life practice scenarios called “I am.” As in I am betrayed, I am abandoned, etc. And the name of the game is called How Do I Respond? We bless, pardon, and act politely. Out loud if appropriate, but otherwise silently. It’s like a video game and we get ten points each time we do this, and then we simply move on. And at the end of the day, we won.

Matt has known that’s what earth is for a long time, from all of his meetings with angels, ascended masters, and the Galactic Council from a very early age, beginning with his first out of body experience (Note: in chapter 2 of his first book, Whatever Arises, Love That, he tells his story, and it’s really cool). It’s a video game – a game called Love – and he decided to master it from a young age. And we’ll get smashed and hurt along the way! But we play full on, because it can only be the smashing of what we don’t need. So bring it on.

This is a holographic training program and we’re here to shine our light as brightly as possible (and that’s different for everyone). And there are really good reasons for all of it. They’re cosmic, not personal. We’re here to bring the cosmic to the personal.

When he realized he’s actually perfect (the divine incarnated, like all of us), he worked even harder. But we reach a level where we’ve made it, our own level of embodied perfection.

This work and journey isn’t what exhausts us. Ownership exhausts us (the empath’s ownership of what is not theirs, from above).

Gatherings like this are cosmic briefings. We join and are reminded of what the game is and then we go home and return to the hologram and hopefully don’t get our asses handed to us so much!

A dream (i.e. the hologram) isn’t “not real,” it’s a simulation of reality.

We learn to live on the edge, not afraid to be devastated. Pain sucks, but when the waves knock us down, they’re actually carrying us to the next place we’re meant to be. Also pain clears space for more love.

Some of us use self-love to prove something to ourselves, like proving that we’re worthy of love. Like we’re working super hard to get a gold medal in the spiritual olympics. So instead, love the part of us that can’t love and let it know it’s okay. And it takes time! We’ve all been in such a rush. We have to trust time. Like food cooking in the oven, set the timer and leave it alone. If we open the oven door to check on it all the time, it’ll never be able to fully cook.

Don’t hold back – live unleashed and be unapologetically you. Pain comes from holding back, not from what others do or don’t do to us. This is a video game, and we’re waking up in the dream. “Unleashed” means you’re ready to be seen and to see others.

He talked about something he calls “meta-incarnation,” as opposed to reincarnation. This is the idea that we’ve lived THIS life many times (Note: Hey, how do I know?? I have no freaking clue, and I don’t think you really do, either. And that’s fine! Let’s be open to anything. The universe will tell us what we need to know, exactly when we need to know it). He said if something’s not working for you, maybe make different choices that we’ve been coming back so many times to make. Let’s make this movie one that we’d really want to watch! So that our conduct and our choices and our lives captivate our attention in their amazingness.

The Netflix of Heaven is where we put a movie on and then jump into the screen to be the main character. Question: What’s the area of my life that needs to change in order to make the movie more amazing?


All anybody really wants is peace. The good news is that peace can be learned. I’m serious. This should be taught in middle school, but it’s not. So I’m teaching it now.

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