A Clean Mind

Blogging about a less stressful way to live…

What’s Up With Goals? Love Yourself First :)

Howdy folks! It’s been a little while, and now is a great time to check back in. Life has been awesome and super busy, and the work has been going really, really well. In fact, we’re set up for some serious magic in 2018, and I have absolutely no idea where it’s going to take us. Speaking of which, I got a call yesterday morning about doing an interview for the morning news here in Pensacola on our local station, WEAR Channel 3. In an hour and a half. My whole family had come in town for Christmas and we’d been staying at a rental house at the beach for five days, and we had to be out by 10:00 am. It was 9:30. The interview was set for my downtown office at 11:00. So I packed, cleaned and locked up the house, said goodbye and parted ways with family, and then drove home to… shave and change clothes. After a quick transformation and not too many bloody shaving wounds, I got to my office with about five minutes to spare.

The topic was about goals in the new year, as in how do we achieve our goals? And I’m so happy I got to do the interview. Because my way, which I really feel is the new way that’s emerging now, is different. The old way goes something like this. Set goals for the new year. Put lots of pressure on yourself to not fail. Then probably fail by late January or February. Beat yourself up mercilessly and hate yourself. Then repeat the cycle next year and for many years to come, unless you just give up on goals altogether and then hate yourself for that. Yay, how fun!!

Now, I’m not against goals. I’m not against making positive, healthy changes in your life. But let’s get the order straight. In general, goals are an effect and not the cause. What’s the cause? Self-love. How you treat yourself. Being nice to yourself. Respecting yourself. Loving yourself. Being honest that these shifts are often not easy. When you do this more and more, the shifts will happen more naturally. Old habits will fall away because they don’t feel good anymore, while new shifts will emerge because they DO feel good. The old way has us forcing things, with a ton of judgment and pressure. Has that worked for you? If so, then knock yourself out; always do what works for you. But some people would say that the old way did in fact work to achieve their goals, but a closer look reveals that they still weren’t happy. If you’re going to the gym regularly and eating well but you still aren’t happy, then what good is it doing? Just something to ponder. Don’t stop doing those things, but it’s time to take a look at happiness. We’re going for being happy first. And then we can better focus on the shifts, in a very loving and respectful way.

Note that we’re talking about goals here and not things like crippling addictions. Those aren’t goals, they’re crises. They’re life or death. If you have a pill problem, a bad alcohol problem, or something that’s jeopardizing your health, your job, or your relationships, then by all means be smart and practical. Get professional help if needed and absolutely force yourself. You can still do it with love, though – trust me, it can be done. After all, the part of you that wants to engage in those choices just wants to feel good. So there’s an innocence underneath it all. And we can love that innocence. The addict is a part of you that desperately wants to be okay and to feel good, but it doesn’t know how else to do it. So we love it while letting it know we can’t do that anymore. And again, if professional help is needed then get it. But goals are different; they aren’t as heavy or life-threatening. And that’s what we’re talking about here.

Another good thing about this approach of not focusing on the goals so much as how you treat yourself is that it will affect every other aspect of your life. As the old saying goes, “wherever you go, there you are.” And if that “you” is nice, then it’s a game changer. This is 24-7 stuff, folks! That’s why self-love is cause and not effect. It starts with being nice to yourself, and it deepens year after year into it turns into a full blown love affair. And it has nothing to do with you personally; everybody should be doing this! Also it’s okay if this feels strange at first. That’s just because it feels foreign. Keep breathing into and relaxing into it and it’ll start to feel familiar over time. And after a while, it’ll be second nature. And then you’ll look back on the past mean version of yourself, and it’ll just be somebody you used to know. And honestly, you’ll be amazed that you acted like that! Because why would anybody act like that?? Because we learn it while we’re young. So it’s just old habit. In fact, that’s the real addiction – listening to crappy thoughts that nobody else even hears.

If you’re new to this self-love revolution, then read my initial posts about it: Recent MAJOR Shifts – A Preview, Introducing… A Clean Mind 3.0!, and Whatever – Or WHOEVER – Arises, Love That. You might also want to watch this amazing Matt Kahn video, too, which really explains it well. And get his book, Whatever Arises, Love That. Amazing and transformational stuff. Trust me, this is the cause. Your goals are the effect. And it’s interesting how as you become more and more loving with yourself, the goals can shift. Why? It’s because the YOU is different! And a different “you” has different goals.

One last thing to mention is that as we become more loving to ourselves, the universe seems to become nicer. I’m serious, people! I see it everyday. There’s a flow that we find ourselves in. Read or re-read The Surrender Experiment if you feel too, because that’s what you’ll start living. And it’s amazing! I see it not only in my own life, but also in the lives of so many others, since I have a front row seat as one that shares this stuff with lots of clients and friends. It’s downright jaw-dropping, and it seems to be speeding up more and more. So that’s yet another advantage to this approach. We’ll take cause over effect all day long.

So there we go, folks, a really important topic with a really important shift in how we look at it. Let your main goal be treating yourself more nicely, more respectfully, and more loving. And it will shift!! I’m living proof. Give it some time, though, with gentle practice. You’re always supported with the posts on this blog, And as always, let me know if I can help.


All anybody really wants is peace. The good news is that peace can be learned. I’m serious. This should be taught in middle school, but it’s not. So I’m teaching it now.

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