A Clean Mind

Blogging about a less stressful way to live…

FEELING Love More Deeply. You. NOW!

I’ve written a bunch here over the years about being nicer to ourselves, talking nicely to ourselves, loving ourselves. You know, that sort of minor thing… You see, I realized just a few years ago that I was being a total jerk to myself! And I thought about it, and that just didn’t make sense. So I decided to give it up, right then and there. It was in the name of “trying to be a better person.” When I’m more like this or that then I’ll love myself more. Said another way, when I’m “perfect” then I’ll love myself more. And you know what? Perfection never came. I never got there, never arrived. I’d been moving the finish line out further and further of where the original destination was. Clever mind trick, huh?  I looked back over the years and realized I had totally surpassed where the finish line used to be! I’d blown by it years before, and yet I had never stopped to celebrate. I kept adding things to it, and I didn’t even know I was doing this. So I kept being hard on myself. And I was not truly happy.

Let’s get real here… Not loving yourself is like emptying the gas tank of your car and then trying to drive somewhere. Umm, you kind of need the gas… And you kind of need your own love. Pause and take a (loving) breath of that, letting it sink in all the way………….

Again, we justify this harshness by thinking it makes us a “better person.” If this resonates, then just start paying attention to see if it’s really true. Look back and ask yourself if it has truly worked. If so, then knock yourself out! You might notice, though, that you can be just as firm and yet still be loving. And you’ll feel better. And then those qualities or behaviors that you don’t like about yourself might even shift faster as well. Now that would be cool…

When I watched that amazing Matt Kahn video about this very topic back in October, the one that so many friends, family, and clients have been transformed by, it changed everything completely. It really took this loving yourself thing to a whole new level, a palpable level. Palpable – that’s the difference. It’s not just a bunch of thinking; it goes much deeper than that. I started to put the world aside for a few seconds and intentionally feel love for myself, breathing it in. Relaxing into it, just like that. Any time, any place. And you can, too. This has become a big part of what I do with clients, so I’ll share it here. Here we go…

First I’ll have clients simply close their eyes and feel love for themselves as best they can in that moment. For what reason? Eventually it’s unconditional, so we don’t need a specific reason. And we’ll be talking about unconditional love for yourself very soon; it’s on the list. Until then, though, let’s make it really simple. Pick one nice thing you’ve done recently. Just one! Have you stopped to give yourself credit for this? Wouldn’t you compliment a friend or family member for doing the same thing? As I wrote back in October, it could be something as simple as being nice to the checkout person at the grocery store. Seriously, that’s really awesome! You just extended love in the world. And you never know how the most minor-seeming comment or gesture can have a real domino effect, or what chaos theory calls the “butterfly effect.” You never know. And you don’t need to know! Just bask in the awesomeness of being nice and extending love. So stop and tell yourself, “That was really nice. Good job.” And then feel that nice feeling, literally breathing it down to your toes. Feel it swirl around in your body. It’s pretty cool. And talk about a stress melter! Pause and do this now for a minute or so……………

Good job, you. Many people report this being difficult to do at first. Not everyone, but many. It might even feel inauthentic. That’s okay; I’ve seen it shift SO fast. So don’t judge how it goes at all. Not even one bit; just do it. Try it for one minute, three times a day. Morning, lunch, and before bed. Like when you’re lying in bed before you get up in the morning and before you fall asleep at night. You might even have a better day and sleep better, too. So pause and try it again for minute or so…………..

Great job, you. Now let’s deepen it. An idea popped in my head a few weeks ago to speed things up. After the above exercise with eyes still closed, shift to feeling the love from a loved one or even from a pet. From someone you KNOW loves you at the end of the day. Dogs are great for this exercise. So do this now: Close your eyes, picture that one (pet, friend, family member, etc.) and simply breathe in their love for you. Don’t analyze it. In fact, don’t think at all! Just fall back into this loving feeling and let it swirl around your body, from your head down to your toes. Feel those cells sing. Wow! This can be pretty awesome. But now here’s the really cool part – now do it for yourself again. Love yourself, but in this way. Many people need to experience the love from another first to see how strong it can be. This is how you can learn to love your own self.

Here’s my invitation to you. Simply play with this for a couple of weeks. Make a note. Put it in your calendar. Write it down in your car. You can do this at a red light or in the bathroom. Just sayin… Do what you have to do to remember, knowing that this can be the beginning of a whole new life, quite literally! You’re tapping into MAJOR power here. Major. And you’re worth it. So give it a try and see what happens. One minute, three times a day. And don’t beat yourself up when you realize you haven’t been doing it – just do it on the spot for a few seconds. Do it, people!! You can see that I get kind of excited about this stuff… Also know that this is becoming a VERY central part of A Clean Mind, so get in there and play, explore. There is no failure. And as always, let me know if I can help!


All anybody really wants is peace. The good news is that peace can be learned. I’m serious. This should be taught in middle school, but it’s not. So I’m teaching it now.

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