A Clean Mind

Blogging about a less stressful way to live…

Jealous Bitch, Anyone?

So my friend texted me recently, and it went like this:

Her: Can u hypnotize me to not be a jealous bitch

Me (after I stopped laughing): Nope, I’m still working on that! Haha. We can talk about it tho. Honestly breathing is the main thing. To chill the body THEN think about the REALITY of the situation (not your imagination). And then speak or act. But don’t speak or act when the mind and body are freaking out. You know how that turns out…

First of all, note that I’m working on many of the same things I write about and that I help people with. Some people think I’ve “transcended” or something. Ha, nope! I’m working on that and sharing it in real time. And that’s pretty cool. Because we’re living anyway, so we might as well go for more and more peace – and in the exact same situations that brought so much contraction before. Because peace is something that we can learn. And it’s ultimately an inside job. Yep, it’s true. And then we gently and lovingly practice. Okay, here we go…

So what does my friend mean by “jealous bitch?” She means that she gets fearful and upset from time to time regarding her boyfriend and then she doesn’t like how this feels. And I’m guessing that she says and does things that she later regrets. And I’m guessing that after all is said and done, she sees that she made the whole thing up and then she feels like a fool for “acting crazy,” or even for feeling that way in the first place. Sound familiar to anyone? At least a little bit?

Now let’s slow it all down. Slow motion is pretty awesome… So there’s a time when she does not feel like a “jealous bitch.” All is good with the world, and she feels fine. And then something happens. It could be a call or a text. It could be something she hears from someone else. It could be the lack of a call or a text. “I haven’t heard from him and he said he would call.” It could be a thought like that one or another. “Why didn’t he invite me to hang out with his friends tonight?” And then her mind is off to the races. It could be anything, and it happens fast. And then bam! She is triggered. That means something happened, and she feels a strong feeling as a result.

What most people do at this point is totally identify with the feeling. I AM angry. I AM sad. I AM pained. I AM frustrated. And then the feeling, which is really strong, does the thinking, talking, texting, punching, throwing of things, etc. But we know better here at A Clean Mind. We’re learning and practicing a different way, a way that feels so much better. And it gets to the root of the problem. I am responsible for this feeling in my body. I created it; it’s an inside job. And it’s temporary – that is a fact. Even when it’s SO STRONG and lasts SO LONG. Because there has never been a permanent feeling in the history of humanity. Fact.

So it’s more accurate to say “I’m feeling temporary anger/sadness/pain/frustration in my body.” I know it might sound clunky, but can you feel the difference? We witness these feelings, not as the feelings but as the one watching. I know it sounds subtle, and I know that I’m not totally there in terms of explaining it, but this way of seeing things has some space in between me and the feeling. I don’t have to be the feeling (that’s not possible, anyway). Instead, I can be the one noticing it. In other words, I can still be the real me. And the real me can make the decisions. And the first decision is to think with my wisdom/common sense instead of with the chatterbox. To think with my built-in source of high quality thinking. The other option, again, is the chatterbox, which is our source of low-quality thinking. There are only two radio stations on the dial, and your body will let you know which one you’re listening to. Because one feels much better than the other. And at the very least, it feels way less bad. And hey, that’s still a major upgrade!

The chatterbox talks a mile a minute, loud and fast, and often angry. It is critical. It is not very helpful. It is not very loving. It is not very supportive. It jumps to conclusions. It goes on tangent upon tangent. It creates all kinds of scenarios, which may or may not be true. And which usually aren’t true at all…

Our good voice, on the other hand, sticks to the facts. It usually doesn’t have to say a whole lot. And it talks much more slowly. It says, “Okay, maybe this is true. Maybe he’s cheating on me right now. [Breathing deeply]. Does that feel true, though? Is that likely? Is that what I really think is happening? [Breathing deeply]. If so, what will I do? [Breathing deeply]. Let me think about this for a minute… Let me see… Hmm… Well, I don’t think it’s likely, because I’ve felt this way so many times before and it never was true then. It was my thinking, my imagination. [Breathing deeply]. If it is true, though, then I’ll certainly have to deal with that. But it’s more likely that it’s not. [Breathing deeply]. So I’m going to relax as best I can for now and let my body calm down. And then I’ll decide what do.”

Do you notice a difference? Huge difference! And it just takes practice. And you still might feel the feeling, but it won’t have the power to turn you into a “jealous bitch.” Feeling jealous is fine. I know it’s not fun, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel. The question is, what do you do the moment you notice it? That’s the moment of truth. That’s what I’m getting at by going in slow motion above. Things are fine, then something happens and you’re triggered and you feel jealous. Your body gives you the information, and then what do you do with that information? And this extends to any feeling, any time. You notice it and then what do you do? This is huge, peoples! And we’ll be talking about it more and more. In the meantime, read The Untethered Soul by Michael Signer. It rules. AND YOU RULE! Whether you currently know it or not… Happy practicing, and let me know if I can help!


All anybody really wants is peace. The good news is that peace can be learned. I’m serious. This should be taught in middle school, but it’s not. So I’m teaching it now.

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