A Clean Mind

Blogging about a less stressful way to live…

Client Totally Kicks Ass With Suffocating Wave Of Doom!

Yes, you read the title correctly, and it’s not an exaggeration. This is so cool, and I’m SO proud of my client! Remember how we’ve been talking about how the energetic vacuum cleaner plays such a huge role in the healing journey of a human. And one of the main things to understand is that the mind has nothing to do. You love the one in pain and pretty much go on about your day, whether that means doing stuff or staying in and resting. I mean, this is huge. It’s crucial to understand, because if you don’t, then the mind will go into freak-out mode and panic as it instinctively tries to fix the pain that’s arisen. But the pain has arisen so it can leave. So the pain IS the fix. Space is literally being cleared out to make room for more light. Yay.

So check this out, my client has really been kicking ass. I think I’ve written about her before, but it’s hard to keep track of now. And always with permission, of course! I have to say that from time to time to make sure you know that. There’s never any pressure, and they always say that if their story might help another, then please share it. And I’m very grateful for that. But if someone had even a hint of not wanting their story to be shared, then of course that’d be the end of it. No pressure, ever. Back to the story…

So she woke up one day not too long ago feeling great. Awesome. Amazing. She went to the gym and worked out, feeling good, woohoo yay life! Then she went to a coffee shop to do some homework (and she’s doing great in school, by the way). What a great day so far! So she was sitting there getting her work done, when all of a sudden… a solid wave of impending doom hit her out of nowhere. Impending what?? Let those words sink in, “impending doom.” That’s not subtle! I mean, nobody is going to describe a wimpy feeling using those particular words. In fact, I don’t know that I’ve ever even uttered those words in my entire life. Yikes. And in addition to that, she felt a strong feeling of being absolutely hideous, like everyone in the coffee shop was thinking really bad things about her. Like she was totally worthless and not good enough, not even good enough to be there. She felt so incredibly awful that she had to leave immediately, so she did.

She went home and these feelings continued for hours, along with a full-on existential crisis – thoughts of life and death, and even some suicidal thoughts. For some background, she has a history of suicidality, which we’ve dealt with a lot. She was also put on psych meds at a young age, and she decided to get off all of those almost a year ago. She’s working in a demanding field and going to school at the same time, and getting excellent grades. Her mom is amazed at how she’s doing, in fact, even saying recently she can’t believe she hasn’t called her once crying and freaking out! Like during exam week or something. Hey, it happens… But not anymore! Or it sure would take way more than it ever did in the past. Of course her mom will always love her and be there for her, but she’s very happy about this newly found inner strength.

So that’s the history, but the more recent history is this. She’s learning how to love herself. For the first time. And it’s amazing. It’s taken her a while to get on the same team with her heart, her mind, her inner child. Finally, the voice in her head isn’t being so mean. I think it’s that parent-child conversation we’ve been talking about (which I really need to write a separate post about), in which we slowly and calmly talk to the voice in the head that’s being mean. The parent comes in and talks to the inner child that’s mad and needs love. And after a while, it calms down because it’s gotten the loving attention that it’s really been needing the whole time. And yes, it can take a while! Sometimes the little chick or little dude up there is mad, scared, confused, or distrustful. But let it know that that’s okay and you’re not going anywhere; you’re there to love it now. Anyway, she’s turned a corner with this, and it’s really making a difference; her whole life will continue to change with time, from the inside out. Real, lasting change for the better. And of course the slow way is the fast way. Amazing.

NOTE: An example of that internal parent-child conversation is in the recent “I’m Sorry” post. Also see paragraph seven of My First Twelve Minute Session! Read those and you’ll get the idea. And again, I’ll probably write an entire post about this at some point, because it’s becoming a huge part of what we’re doing. Back to the story…

Speaking of real, lasting change, you know she’s shifting because this craziness happened in the first place! It wouldn’t have happened so hardcore like that had she not been ready. So here’s the rest of the story. This SUPER strong wave of the most awful gunk, plus suicidal thoughts and total unworthiness, slams into her. She can’t even stay at the coffee shop, so she leaves. And it lasted for hours. So what did she do? Nothing. Because she’s learned how to love the one in pain as best she can, and she’s learned about the EVC. So she took her medicine (the “medicine” being the act of feeling the pain). She’s not a huge drinker, but she even had the thought that maybe she’d have a beer to feel better. And she said nope, I’m going to face this head on and let it run its course. Take me. Have no mercy on me. Wow! Then she watched a movie, I think, and went to bed. Isn’t this amazing??

So she woke up the next day and she was fine. Goodbye, massive wave of old energetic emotional debris and suicidality! It sure is nice not carrying that around anymore. She really nailed this one, a true A+. What on earth can she be afraid of now?? Oh, and she was also super triggered around the same time when she learned of Anthony Bourdain’s suicide. She said this really messed her up for three days, because she thought he was great. She followed him on Instagram and really enjoyed his posts. And she, like so many others, thought, “Him? Really?” So this flushed up more old stuff related to suicide for her, plus those same old thoughts. And she loved herself through it and stayed the course, and it lasted three long days. Which seems so far away now. And she didn’t even reach out to me, and she’s been off of all psychs meds for 9-10 months. After years of being on them. And that ain’t easy! Especially after being put on them so young. Amazing, y’all!

As you might be able to guess, I was totally freaking out. Because these shifts are real. What she did was the same as what my guy Matt Kahn did when he had a huge layer of old stuff come up sometime last year. This video, in which he talks about it for the first time, is super intense. Not for the faint of heart. And my client handled it the same way! Again, from suicidal and on lots of heavy meds to this, and in not that long a period of time. So of course there are some more waves for the EVC to suck out, but by now she’s really learning how to master it. Like a champ! And it’s all preparing her for a life that’s beyond what she can imagine. Because the version of herself that’ll be living that life is beyond what she can imagine. And I get to sit here and watch the whole thing. And the core of it all is loving what arises, plus understanding the raw energetic/emotional purging aspect to it, in which we just take our medicine. And the intelligent universe guides the whole journey. I am in awe… So peace out to you, and as always, let me know I can help.


All anybody really wants is peace. The good news is that peace can be learned. I’m serious. This should be taught in middle school, but it’s not. So I’m teaching it now.

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